These are words that I find myself saying everyday. A constant reminder that “I am strong and can do this.”
Sobriety was never anything I thought would be easy and in the beginning. I really thought it would be down right impossible. But through the last few months I have realized my inner strength and my ability to get through hard times with out having to use or get loaded.
What I have learned over the last 130 days is that I can feel bad, without being or doing bad. I always thought they were the same thing. Emotions often dictated my attitude and my behavior. I have learned over the time that I can have ” feelings” with out having to completely loose myself in them. Yes, the ever so dramatic..FML, I can’t believe this is happening to me attitude is starting to dissolve away.
Over the last four months I have actually dealt with an array of things I never thought I would be able to get through sober. Things that were a sure sign I would need a drink at night have been bestowed upon me and I have manger to stay sober.
-My Grandmother died on my 30 day mark and I didn’t drink.
-My son broke his jaw at school three days later.
-My grandfather passed away 6 weeks after my grandmother.
-My husband lost his job.
The biggest thing that I have changed in sobriety is my attitude. I am no longer looking for reasons to drink. Situations do not dictate my feelings. I am, with the grace of God, in control of myself for the first time in a long time. I wake up every morning and say a little prayer to get through the day. At night before bed I hit my knees and thank God for the gift of sobriety. But most importantly, I take life one day at a time.