Simple and Peaceful

Two words I rarely write. That’s because it not how life has ever been for me.  But these last few days’ I’ve looked around and started to notice that things feel normal again.  There is an ebb and flow in the new house.  I mentioned the other day that it’s doesn’t feel real.  It’s like I’m on some sort of extended vacation with the hubs and children.

I had a girlfriend call the other day to see how things were going in the new house.  “Great, really great!” was my response.  She seemed surprised.  She asked how me and the hubs were doing, “Wonderful.” I replied.  I could hear it in her voice she was waiting for me to give her some long-winded story about my traumatic week or some big fight that we have had.  But the truth of the matter is our life is no longer like that.

I never thought I would write these words, but we are starting to move forward and rarely look back.  I have forgiven and even started to forget.  I put up my “No Drama Here” sign and remind people when they start to come on my lawn.

Therapy for us, for him has been a life saver.  When we first started we had to see separate people and convene once a month in a group session.  I wanted to kill him!  I was angry, sad and very bitter. I thought there was no hope for us.  He was a spoiled selfish brat that thought I was over doing it and just wanted me to move on.

With time, years, we have started to work as a team again.  I didn’t realize how distant we had become from each other in the last few years.  We were married but living separate lives under the same roof. I no longer see any one, but he does.  I think it helps him learn how to deal with emotions, life, marriage, a wife….all things he was never taught growing up, but that’s a whole other story…

The fact of the matter is in the last two years he has shown me how much we mean to him. I have watched him endure and come through all the bullshit that came along with an affair, let me tell you, there is a lot of it.  Way more than anyone would have ever expected. I have seen him fight for us and stick up for me when I least expected it. I have seen how hard he has worked to fix things and build a new relationship with me.  I never thought we would be in a place where I feel like I have 100% of his support but that’s how life is starting to feel and it’s really quite peaceful.

Advertisements

Must write, must write….

So much has happened in the last week.

We bought and moved into a new house. On closing day, I lost a very close family friend. The day of move I was stalked online relentlessly by the mistress or the OW, as we say online. Needless to say, I spent some time in therapy with the hubs. I managed to avoid a total meltdown while moving a house of four this weekend…..by myself.

Lots of self discovery and new coping skills.  A few good stories too.

When I have time I will get online and actually write about it.  Oh and did I mention I’m interviewing for a new position at a big company tomorrow? Send lots of prayers and happy thoughts my way. I need them this week

Lots of love.  xoxo MessyJessy

Two steps forward and one big step back.

That’s how things have been for me lately.  When will I ever stop being angry?  I thought with time things heal and go away.  I’m not crying every day and I’m not mad every day but I feel like I’ve turned into a needy wife.  I’m desperate for attention and to feel loved.  I have these intense emotional outbursts still.  I have therapy tomorrow night again and I’m hoping it helps.  When will I feel like I’m starting to move forward??

Couple-Holding-Hands-Photographic-P

Reflection

So one of many recommendations from my therapist to get through my personal struggles with addiction and my husband’s infidelity was for me to write every day.  The last three days I have sat down at the computer to write and I come up with nothing.rel

What I did do is start following blogs of other betrayed women.  I can feel the anger and hurt still in their words and often wonder if this is something I should be doing.”Reading it all over again, because every story is so similar to mine.”  I have started following a few ladies, some new in the process and some quite a few years into it.

I don’t find that I get mad at him again after reading the very personal stories of betrayal, but I get angry for the lovely women on here.  How can all these men treat someone like this?  How dear “they” put so many of us through this.

Life the last six month has been healing.  I maybe think about the OW once or twice a week.  He has already answered all of my questions, which was hard for me to deal with, but also a huge part of the healing process.  I found myself angriest during this time.  I couldn’t take it all at once and I think my hubby knew that.  He gave it to me in strong hard doses, every couple of days. I would lose it for two or three days and then next week we would do it again.  It was a very emotional draining few months.  I didn’t think I was going to make it.

I now find my mind now does not wonder so much anymore about the what, why, where, and how?

But it brings me to the question of monogamy.  Is it possible? I have NOT EVER CHEATED ON A PERSON IN MY LIFE.  I NEVER WILL.  That’s just me.  It’s selfish, rude, hurtful and not worth the pain.

I find in reading that it is the general consensus with the women stuck in this world of hurt. So is monogamy impossible?  What is the difference between someone like me who would never cheat (and trust me while my hubs was out of the house, I had plenty of offers) and someone who thinks its ok?

I’ve had a lot of time to really think about where we started and where we have come in this marriage. Things are better, not better like when we first met, but better than two years ago.  Communication is flowing, there is no more a blame game and we are starting to learn to love again.

A girlfriend told me the other day that I looked, we looked, so happy together.  She asked if things were back to normal.  I told her I don’t think they ever will be.  But when you think about it, if each life lesson we are given we learn from, we aren’t supposed to be the same person after. Right?

Three Keys To Improving ANY Relationship

Amazing little piece of advice. Definitely worth the read for anyone in a relationship.

2HelpfulGuys

Improving relationships with friends and significant others is a common goal amongst people. People want to connect more with others, on a deeper level.

That has led me to consciously consider my interactions and change them. It begins with having a good intention.

We meet great people and we’re so overwhelmed with excitement. We build this amazing relationship with that person and everything is great.

But then, the excitement dwindles and we get caught in a routine and we start to develop little pet peeves. That initial spark is forgotten. That zest of why the person was great eventually fades.

To create, improve or rejuvenate a once great relationship, your intention must be to be great. You have to make the other person feel great. You have to make the other person feel appreciated and loved. It’s difficult and we all fail, but I think these three methods can strengthen…

View original post 599 more words

Hope.

An open letter on cheating…love-hurts-broken-heart-graphic

We fight a lot. Yell, scream, and cry often in our house. But we are talking. We are completely honest with each other. Because, he cheated he takes my crap. I have been angry for months and months on end. I don’t trust myself or him right now. He has to gain it back and I need to find a way to follow my intuition again. I saw this coming and couldn’t stop it.

Whenever I want to know where he is, he has to tell me. One time I even had him take a picture to show me where he was. Every question he has answered. It has been painful and also helped me stop obsessing about what, when and why?

Then I tried to just start living again. I have to go on with my life. Even if he doesn’t want me and even if I’m still unsure if I even want him in my life. I have to keep moving forward. I was unhappy so I have started to make changes in my life to make me happy again. My mind hates him but my heart is still in love.  I’m just following my heart.

I pray a lot to make me a better person. I pray for my husband as well. It took a long time but I started to see him trying and changing to. It took a long time for us to realize we were both to blame for a lot of our marriage too.

It’s really hard to hold that trust but we are talking about everything. Anything that would bug us. We don’t blame but, we do say I feel this way when you…

In the arguments I accept blame for problems because it takes two people to screw things up. It’s hard and it sucks!  But it’s something we will have to work at every single day.

I’m sorry for anyone that has to go through this! It’s so hard! No one tells you how hard it is going to be. No one could possibly be able to explain how much pain it causes the whole family. You will have no idea until later. It was completely selfish and we are on the verge of losing everything we have worked towards for the last six years for. Some people try counseling. We did for a bit but it didn’t help.

Think, think long and hard about what you are going through and find the courage to talk about it.  Tell your spouse how you feel, if they aren’t meeting your needs.

I hope anyone going through this finds peace.  It’s a tragic thing for anyone to have to go through and very unnecessary.

Messy Jessy

Keep on keepin

Keep-On-Keepin-On-Phone-BackgroundI spent the whole weekend moving my apartment into a tiny storage place and moving in with my mother and kids.  She is going to try to help me out since my husband has moved away for work currently.

Today is day two for me AGAIN .  Last night was horrible, but I didn’t drink.

I have had issues with depression in my past.  Since the discovery of my husband’s infidelity I have found myself slumped back into a deep depression.  I went to see my doctor a few weeks ago and he put me back on two new antidepressants, I thought it would help.

Lately, I have just been completely breaking down into crying fits.  I was sobbing hysterical last night for about 2 hours until I fell asleep.  This happens about once a week, sometimes more.  I’m not exactly sure why it happens, but all of a sudden I feel like I’m just trapped in a horrible place and can’t get out.  I wonder.  “How did I get here? How did I let this happen?”

Anyway, back on for me and working through day two today.  I’m trying to find better outlets for when I get stressed.  I recently moved an old treadmill into the back room to run after work before bed.

I’m trying not to obsess about things as much and just focus on the kids and work right now.  I’m hoping this helps and that soon some of my pain starts to fade away.