My son is a Sociopath

It’s tough to say this out loud. It hurts when I hear it from countless professionals. And It’s difficult to talk about to those I love. But, my son is a sociopath and I need to talk to someone.
From a very young age I knew something was not “right” I was told Autism, Asperger’s. We believed it, we thought it could be treated and then we moved on.
By Kindergarten’s first year, trouble started brewing. He was violent and aggressive with students and teachers. He first threatened to kill himself and another child at age six. I thought it was a phase, I remember the administration telling me what had happened and what he had said. I was concerned, I didn’t know what to do.
I moved him to a different school that year. He had convinced me that they were just picking on him, exaggerating what had really happened. I believed him, after all he was young and seemed so sweet. We did this dance of the moving schools, switching the teachers and counselors for the next two years.
School had gotten bad. He was stealing from his teachers purse out of spite, he had strangled, thier words, not mine, A child on the playground for not getting off a swing when he said so.
I finally found a behavior health school that specialized in Autism that was willing to work with him and we sent him over. He was eight at the time. The classroom where filled with behavior couches, therapist, and safe rooms. He stayed at this school for another four years. His IEP goal was to keep his hands to himself and to not threaten anyone’s life for a whole year before pubic school would look at mainstreaming him. Life seems to get better, he seems to conform. He started following perceived rules. Teachers were happy, he was eventually sent back to public school in seventh grade.
As soon as he was back in school things started to “Happen” again. People got hurt, things went missing, teachers were constantly calling and asking why he refused to listen. No one knew what was going on. It was almost like he enjoyed it. That was right around the same time I got married and had another baby.
Everything changed as soon as I brought another person into my life. Immediately my son started telling teachers, therapist that my husband was starving him, beating him. We had quite a few phone calls, house visits, CPS cases. Every time we met with a new professional. I told them everything that was happening. I asked for help, I begged for resources. I was given a look of confusion each time and they all told me there wasn’t much they could do. I was told it was bad behavior, maybe hormones of the teen years with the Autism that caused it. I was told he would grow out of it. I almost believed them.
It’s now been another five years. My son no longer lives in our home. The last five years he has spent terrorizing his little brother and those around me. He became obsessed with watching car death you-tube crashes and other violent things online. Life became completely unmanageable.
I spent two years with professionals coming in and out of our house. We had a behavior coach and mentor take him to be sociable with other teens. We had him volunteer at shelters. We did one on one in house family therapy and empathy engaging activities. Nothing seemed to help. He spent his time terrorizing our home and taking control over those closest to him. He tied up his little brother and gagged him, left him under our stairs. He attacked me in the back with a hammer and stripped me naked and threw me outside the house on one occasion. I finally let the state take him to a specialized mental health facility last year.
It’s been tough. Nothing has gotten better, just worse. He hurts the other children with him. Mostly psychological, threats to their loved ones. Promises to hurt if they don’t comply, listen and carry out his tasks. He’s been moved three times over the last year. It seems there is no hope.
I’m not sure why my GOD would make a child like this, I’m often wondering why he would give him to me. I pray, I have hope, and I give up every single day all at the same time.

Messy Jessy

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Simple and Peaceful

Two words I rarely write. That’s because it not how life has ever been for me.  But these last few days’ I’ve looked around and started to notice that things feel normal again.  There is an ebb and flow in the new house.  I mentioned the other day that it’s doesn’t feel real.  It’s like I’m on some sort of extended vacation with the hubs and children.

I had a girlfriend call the other day to see how things were going in the new house.  “Great, really great!” was my response.  She seemed surprised.  She asked how me and the hubs were doing, “Wonderful.” I replied.  I could hear it in her voice she was waiting for me to give her some long-winded story about my traumatic week or some big fight that we have had.  But the truth of the matter is our life is no longer like that.

I never thought I would write these words, but we are starting to move forward and rarely look back.  I have forgiven and even started to forget.  I put up my “No Drama Here” sign and remind people when they start to come on my lawn.

Therapy for us, for him has been a life saver.  When we first started we had to see separate people and convene once a month in a group session.  I wanted to kill him!  I was angry, sad and very bitter. I thought there was no hope for us.  He was a spoiled selfish brat that thought I was over doing it and just wanted me to move on.

With time, years, we have started to work as a team again.  I didn’t realize how distant we had become from each other in the last few years.  We were married but living separate lives under the same roof. I no longer see any one, but he does.  I think it helps him learn how to deal with emotions, life, marriage, a wife….all things he was never taught growing up, but that’s a whole other story…

The fact of the matter is in the last two years he has shown me how much we mean to him. I have watched him endure and come through all the bullshit that came along with an affair, let me tell you, there is a lot of it.  Way more than anyone would have ever expected. I have seen him fight for us and stick up for me when I least expected it. I have seen how hard he has worked to fix things and build a new relationship with me.  I never thought we would be in a place where I feel like I have 100% of his support but that’s how life is starting to feel and it’s really quite peaceful.

Must write, must write….

So much has happened in the last week.

We bought and moved into a new house. On closing day, I lost a very close family friend. The day of move I was stalked online relentlessly by the mistress or the OW, as we say online. Needless to say, I spent some time in therapy with the hubs. I managed to avoid a total meltdown while moving a house of four this weekend…..by myself.

Lots of self discovery and new coping skills.  A few good stories too.

When I have time I will get online and actually write about it.  Oh and did I mention I’m interviewing for a new position at a big company tomorrow? Send lots of prayers and happy thoughts my way. I need them this week

Lots of love.  xoxo MessyJessy

Two steps forward and one big step back.

That’s how things have been for me lately.  When will I ever stop being angry?  I thought with time things heal and go away.  I’m not crying every day and I’m not mad every day but I feel like I’ve turned into a needy wife.  I’m desperate for attention and to feel loved.  I have these intense emotional outbursts still.  I have therapy tomorrow night again and I’m hoping it helps.  When will I feel like I’m starting to move forward??

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Reflection

So one of many recommendations from my therapist to get through my personal struggles with addiction and my husband’s infidelity was for me to write every day.  The last three days I have sat down at the computer to write and I come up with nothing.rel

What I did do is start following blogs of other betrayed women.  I can feel the anger and hurt still in their words and often wonder if this is something I should be doing.”Reading it all over again, because every story is so similar to mine.”  I have started following a few ladies, some new in the process and some quite a few years into it.

I don’t find that I get mad at him again after reading the very personal stories of betrayal, but I get angry for the lovely women on here.  How can all these men treat someone like this?  How dear “they” put so many of us through this.

Life the last six month has been healing.  I maybe think about the OW once or twice a week.  He has already answered all of my questions, which was hard for me to deal with, but also a huge part of the healing process.  I found myself angriest during this time.  I couldn’t take it all at once and I think my hubby knew that.  He gave it to me in strong hard doses, every couple of days. I would lose it for two or three days and then next week we would do it again.  It was a very emotional draining few months.  I didn’t think I was going to make it.

I now find my mind now does not wonder so much anymore about the what, why, where, and how?

But it brings me to the question of monogamy.  Is it possible? I have NOT EVER CHEATED ON A PERSON IN MY LIFE.  I NEVER WILL.  That’s just me.  It’s selfish, rude, hurtful and not worth the pain.

I find in reading that it is the general consensus with the women stuck in this world of hurt. So is monogamy impossible?  What is the difference between someone like me who would never cheat (and trust me while my hubs was out of the house, I had plenty of offers) and someone who thinks its ok?

I’ve had a lot of time to really think about where we started and where we have come in this marriage. Things are better, not better like when we first met, but better than two years ago.  Communication is flowing, there is no more a blame game and we are starting to learn to love again.

A girlfriend told me the other day that I looked, we looked, so happy together.  She asked if things were back to normal.  I told her I don’t think they ever will be.  But when you think about it, if each life lesson we are given we learn from, we aren’t supposed to be the same person after. Right?

Three Keys To Improving ANY Relationship

Amazing little piece of advice. Definitely worth the read for anyone in a relationship.

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Improving relationships with friends and significant others is a common goal amongst people. People want to connect more with others, on a deeper level.

That has led me to consciously consider my interactions and change them. It begins with having a good intention.

We meet great people and we’re so overwhelmed with excitement. We build this amazing relationship with that person and everything is great.

But then, the excitement dwindles and we get caught in a routine and we start to develop little pet peeves. That initial spark is forgotten. That zest of why the person was great eventually fades.

To create, improve or rejuvenate a once great relationship, your intention must be to be great. You have to make the other person feel great. You have to make the other person feel appreciated and loved. It’s difficult and we all fail, but I think these three methods can strengthen…

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Thoughts

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Thoughts, questions, uncertainty,  It’s what I have every day. I fell like I’m going to exploded with emotion.

A lot has been on my mind regarding my husband and me.  I really feel like in my heart I want to make this work.  But my mind just keeps telling me not to.

It tells me that he being nice is just another trick.

It tells me that all the words he is say’s are just lies.

It tells me I’m making a big mistake.

It tells me to run.

Then it tells me to stop!

It tells me I love him.

This is so hard.