I’ve been away for awhile. A lot has been going on in my life and I find when the going gets tough, I go to meetings. I reach out, I call other women and pray. I just don’t want to write.
With these things, even through the hardest of times, I get to stay sober. I continue on my path and find grace in what god gives me every day.
It’s hard to stay positive. I have a violent 14 year old son diagnosed with Autism who has been hurting others. I want nothing more than anything for him to find his path. I want him to figure out how to uncross his wires in his brain and be a successful human being.
Maybe he needs medication. Maybe it’s therapeutic interactions. We aren’t sure and whatever we do hasn’t helped so far. Nothing has gotten better and the miracle I pray for every day hasn’t happened as of yet.
This thanksgiving our table had one empty plate. His name slipped off the tip of my tounge a few times to call him downstairs to dinner, but he is not here.
I find it extremely hard to have gratitude in him being away in treatment. I question why god would let me get sober and not help him. I often wonder..”Why God would make a child like this. Why would he make such a little person with such big challenges to overcome in life?”
My gratitude for today is the ability to be sober and present in my family’s life in every way possible. I spent my day surrounded in not only deep love but unconditional support.