I’m really struggling today with this whole Sobriety thing.  I can’t seem to get more than a few months under my belt before I relapse again.  I was home with a sick little one and triggers started to come up .  I  use to take days off to dink at home.  I KNEW I did not want to drink yesterday but I kept thinking about it.  I couldn’t stop.  I cleaned the kitchen, mopped, swept the carpet.  Started doing Laundry and folding clothes.  I worked remotely from home yesterday too.  But alas at 3pm I caved and opened a bottle of wine.  I drank the whole thing !

I feel like I’m going to go insane  with this alcoholism.  It’s littlerly driving me crazy.  Before when I was drinking and didn’t care, life was soo different.  I just feel like I’m in a constant battle to try to change.  I may loose my mind today, just maybe! Sorry, short rant over.  I’m going to read on these sober blogs and see if I can find some hope today.


9 thoughts on “Today

      1. I never actually went to meetings, but I did read a lot of the big book. I just focused on staying sober one day at a time. One minute at a time sometimes. Still do. I won’t say it gets easier, but you do get better at it.

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  1. Hang in there. But more importantly never give up trying. I struggled for a long time before I was finally able to stop using. I believe that no matter what your addiction is eventually if you keep trying you will be able to stop. I relapsed for several years before enough was enough. I remember the days when my thoughts would be consumed with using. I had to learn how to distract myself from my thoughts, I started making meetings and listening to others who have made it out of the hell in which I was living. Don’t beat yourself up just climb back up on the horse and try again. In the meetings I learned to take it one day or even on minute at a time and it helped me. I had to get involved and get a network of people just like me who I could call when shit got too tough. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Remember Never Give Up!

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  2. I get that. I still resent the fact that now that I know I can’t drink, I can never go back to “just drinking & not worrying about a problem.” And that feeling of giving in to the drink because I was so sick of fighting the NOT thinking about it. It is hard. It took many relapses but I have made it 6 months now. Once I started calling my drinking a “relapse” or Day One” I realized that I was actively quitting. That helped. I was successful at actively quitting. I wasn’t a passive non-thinking every day for no reason drinker anymore. You are on the journey, just at the beginning. And like any journey, it has it’s ups & downs. Relax & enjoy the good parts of your days. I love going back and reading about myself while I was at the beginning of this journey. My relapses all have a lesson for me. Lori

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    1. Thank you so much for this comment. I’m going back and reading my blog and now everything you said makes sense. Staying strong and not giving up has been the best thing I have ever done. I have three months today. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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