Last Night

Yesterday was a rough day with my anxiety in all.  I mottled through the day. Stuttering occasionally and avoiding eye contact until five pm came around.

I came home last night and made dinner. Then I sat down and watched some T.V. with the kids.  I kept thinking wine, wine, and wine.  I thought to myself maybe I’ll go grab some sweets at the store instead.  All the while in the back of my mind, still thinking…..wine.

I looked at the clock eight pm, almost time for bed. Then I did it, I grabbed my shoes, keys and hopped into the car.  I put the key into the ignition and nothing.  It wouldn’t start!  I got frustrated and lifted the hood. This is a new Honda, only two years old. I thought “The battery must be loose.”  I fiddled around and heard the horn go off.  I got back in and I put the key in the ignition. Bright dash lights, Oooo, then nothing. I picked the hood back up and tried to tighten the loose screw, the threads were missing.  I banged my hands on the steering wheel and looked up and said, OK! OK! OK! OK!

I went to bed sober last night.

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2 thoughts on “Last Night

  1. One of my favorite poems… You reminded me of a line: “the gods will offer you chances”

    I hope your rough spell passed. It’s hard, I know, but drinking won’t make it any better. ❤

    The Laughing Heart by Charles Bukowski

    your life is your life
    don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission.
    be on the watch.
    there are ways out.
    there is light somewhere.
    it may not be much light but
    it beats the darkness.
    be on the watch.
    the gods will offer you chances.
    know them.
    take them.
    you can’t beat death but
    you can beat death in life, sometimes.
    and the more often you learn to do it,
    the more light there will be.
    your life is your life.
    know it while you have it.
    you are marvelous
    the gods wait to delight
    in you.

    — by Charles Bukowski

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you for the poem. I’m gonna print It out and keep it by the dresser. I have a few things that I read in the morning and at night before bed “Besides AA books”

    Like

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