The past few weeks have been crazy and with tons of stuff going on I’m finding myself slip into a funk. I tried to put up my “No Drama Here” sign last week and don’t seem to believe it is working.
I moved last week into my new house. This was supposed to be a happy time for me and yet somehow craziness came into my life right on closing day. It’s almost like God put it there on purpose. I accepted that and tried not to freak out. I get it, he’s testing me, trying to teach me something. I thought I got it and then this week happened.
I had a recruiter reach out to me on Saturday, about a great opportunity with a great company. I was surprised. I followed up and interviewed. They really liked me, they like me! “This is something I have a hard time with, since I don’t like myself so much.” I was so relieved; it was a nerve wrecking process. I had to interview with three different managers.
I passed the background test and was completely thankful. On Wednesday I was offered the job. I went home last night and typed up my resignation letter. I was so happy. The new place is more pay with full benefits and only five miles from our new house. I was elated last night. My husband came home with flowers and told me how proud he was of me. I thought we are starting to really move forward in our lives. We were both excited.
Then this morning I get a phone call on my way into work. It was the hiring manager and she said that she had awful news. They could not hire me. I asked why and was told that one of the references that I used also worked there and she was Family. They do not hire family. She is a second cousin through marriage. I thought she was joking, seriously, seriously? She said yes, seriously.
So here is my thought process today. What the hell am I doing wrong to bring all this into my life? Obviously the sign isn’t working and god keeps giving me the same lesson. What am I not getting? What am I missing? I really thought I was starting to handle disappointments quite well by now.
I know everything happens for a reason so I’m trying not to let it get me down, but today is hard. I’m going to keep pushing forward and try to find what works best for me. I have struggled all my life with depression and it alarms me at how I can go from being so elated about life to sad and discontent the next day. It’s weird that my mind allows me to do this.
So I sent my resignation through the shredder this morning and will get back on the job sites this weekend. Tonight I just want to go home and snuggle with the hubs, eat dinner; maybe take a long bath in my new house and go to bed. Hopefully my mind will reset tonight; I just wish sometime I had a backup button to do it myself.