Learning to deal with disappointment today

The past few weeks have been crazy and with tons of stuff going on I’m finding myself slip into a funk.  I tried to put up my “No Drama Here” sign last week and don’t seem to believe it is working.

I moved last week into my new house.  This was supposed to be a happy time for me and yet somehow craziness came into my life right on closing day.  It’s almost like God put it there on purpose.  I accepted that and tried not to freak out. I get it, he’s testing me, trying to teach me something.  I thought I got it and then this week happened.

I had a recruiter reach out to me on Saturday, about a great opportunity with a great company.  I was surprised.  I followed up and interviewed. They really liked me, they like me! “This is something I have a hard time with, since I don’t like myself so much.”   I was so relieved; it was a nerve wrecking process. I had to interview with three different managers.

I passed the background test and was completely thankful.  On Wednesday I was offered the job.  I went home last night and typed up my resignation letter.  I was so happy.  The new place is more pay with full benefits and only five miles from our new house.  I was elated last night.  My husband came home with flowers and told me how proud he was of me.  I thought we are starting to really move forward in our lives.  We were both excited.

Then this morning I get a phone call on my way into work.  It was the hiring manager and she said that she had awful news.  They could not hire me.  I asked why and was told that one of the references that I used also worked there and she was Family.  They do not hire family.  She is a second cousin through marriage.  I thought she was joking, seriously, seriously?  She said yes, seriously.

So here is my thought process today.  What the hell am I doing wrong to bring all this into my life? Obviously the sign isn’t working and god keeps giving me the same lesson.  What am I not getting?  What am I missing?  I really thought I was starting to handle disappointments quite well by now.

I know everything happens for a reason so I’m trying not to let it get me down, but today is hard. I’m going to keep pushing forward and try to find what works best for me.  I have struggled all my life with depression and it alarms me at how I can go from being so elated about life to sad and discontent the next day.  It’s weird that my mind allows me to do this.

So I sent my resignation through the shredder this morning and will get back on the job sites this weekend.  Tonight I just want to go home and snuggle with the hubs, eat dinner; maybe take a long bath in my new house and go to bed. Hopefully my mind will reset tonight; I just wish sometime I had a backup button to do it myself.


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