30

I have been to 14 days, 17 and even 29 the last time I tried this.  Every time, I get back up and just start all over. It’s exhausting. Today I am on day 30.

So yesterday I took a vacation day and spent the day out with my husband.  We did not make it to the baseball game we had planned, but went and looked at the new house we are building together and had lunch.  We ran around town and spent mostly the whole day outside.

I know I’m only at 30 days, but I was thinking yesterday while sitting outside and driving around town.  This was something I wouldn’t have been able to do before.

I would be at home on the couch, no driving, drinking and watching bad T.V. I was outside at lunch sober, not day drinking.  No shakes for me the next morning, no falling into bed at 6 pm because I meant to have just a few glasses of wine, but really had the whole bottle and then some.

I did something really big yesterday. I apologized to my husband for being such a sloppy drunk bitch for the last three years. I meant it. I really was a sloppy drunk bitch at the end. I was mad, bitter, angry and drinking to stop the pain.

As I stared at the people across the table from me drinking, I told the voice in my head to fuck off with its day drinking at lunch time shit. And fuck the stupid flood of Facebook pics of people all day drinking green beer.  I politely removed them from my feed today.

I will make it to one year and then some. I started this thing with maybe I have a problem, to maybe I would like to fix this, to this shit is too hard, to fuck this. Now I’m at, I think I’m really starting to like the new me and life that comes with it.

P.S If you add up all my days it’s 90 but I know that really doesn’t count.

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