A new day.

I had an epic melt down last night.  I have never cried so hard in my life.  My husband called to talk to me and I just balled and balled. It was so bad my little one came to me and patted my back, kissed me on the forehead and told me everything is going to be ok.

I talked to my therapist yesterday and have decided that I am just going to focus on me.  I’m sober, but a dry drunk.  I’m unhappy more now than I ever was before.  I think with the drinking it helped to push back some of my emotions and numb the pain.  Now that it’s gone I’m angry and sad, very sad.

I also reached out to my sober pen pall last night. She also told me focus on me first, just me and getting better.  She told me that everything else would fall into place where it needs to be.  She said with time my husband would see me changing and that eventually he would change too.  But what she did say was not to worry about my marriage or him or anything besides staying sober and getting stronger.

I woke up today without the heaviness on my heart that I’ve had these last few weeks. I’m focused on me.