So my Therapist had told me to write every day. She wanted me to get out my feelings about the affair and how its effected me. But I have to tell you after the last couple of days of writing, I’ve been feeling worse, not better.
I’m in some sort of deep funk and seriously questioning if this marriage is really where I’m supposed to be.
I know I love my family, I know I love my husband and want to keep us all together. What I don’t like is the way I feel about all of this. Maybe it’s just this week. Maybe next week I will feel amazing. But right now life is just kind of sad for us. I have spent the last year, quite frankly, punishing him for what he did and sure enough, he finally gets it.
He has had to quit a god job to break contact with the OW and is now working in construction out of town. We see him maybe once a week if we are lucky and everyone is just stressed to all ends trying to make “this” work.
We had a long honest talk last night. I emotionally needed him home and that wasn’t an option. I explained to him I had “Stuff” on my mind all day, I was crying. He asked if I was mad at him, I said no, I was just sad. Sad about what happened and wished I could just make it all go away…erase it.
He explained to me that he was so sorry. He said he made a bad decision, he was high, they spent way to much time together, she flirted, made him laugh. He wished he could go back too and make it better. He said he was trying, no longer lying, didn’t want to fight anymore.
The problem is now we are both sad. I don’t want him to feel bad about himself. I don’t like to see him stressed out about work and meeting my needs, but that’s where we have ended up. So what’s next?