Reflection

So one of many recommendations from my therapist to get through my personal struggles with addiction and my husband’s infidelity was for me to write every day.  The last three days I have sat down at the computer to write and I come up with nothing.

What I did do is start following blogs of other betrayed women.  I can feel the anger and hurt still in their words and often wonder if this is something I should be doing.”Reading it all over again, because every story is so similar to mine.”  I have started following a few ladies, some new in the process and some quite a few years into it.

I don’t find that I get mad at him again after reading the very personal stories of betrayal, but I get angry for the lovely women on here.  How can all these men treat someone like this?  How dear “they” put so many of us through this.

Life the last six month has been healing.  I maybe think about the OW once or twice a week.  He has already answered all of my questions, which was hard for me to deal with, but also a huge part of the healing process.  I found myself angriest during this time.  I couldn’t take it all at once and I think my hubby knew that.  He gave it to me in strong hard doses, every couple of days. I would lose it for two or three days and then next week we would do it again.  It was a very emotional draining few months.  I didn’t think I was going to make it.

I now find my mind now does not wonder so much anymore about the what, why, where, and how?

But it brings me to the question of monogamy.  Is it possible? I have NOT EVER CHEATED ON A PERSON IN MY LIFE.  I NEVER WILL.  That’s just me.  It’s selfish, rude, hurtful and not worth the pain.

I find in reading that it is the general consensus with the women stuck in this world of hurt. So is monogamy impossible?  What is the difference between someone like me who would never cheat (and trust me while my hubs was out of the house, I had plenty of offers) and someone who thinks its ok?

I’ve had a lot of time to really think about where we started and where we have come in this marriage. Things are better, not better like when we first met, but better than two years ago.  Communication is flowing, there is no more a blame game and we are starting to learn to love again.

A girlfriend told me the other day that I looked, we looked, so happy together.  She asked if things were back to normal.  I told her I don’t think they ever will be.  But when you think about it, if each life lesson we are given we learn from, we aren’t supposed to be the same person after. Right?