Guilt

It’s a very profound feeling.  I have had a lot of it over the last few years.  Right now life seems so overwhelming that I don’t know what to do.  Today I called my doctor and told him I was an alcoholic and really struggling to stay sober.  He asked for me to come in for an appointment.  As I sat in his office I was scared and full of guilt.  He asked why I was there and I told him everything.  I asked if there was some sort of medication that could help me stay sober, some sort of magic pill for the cravings or Antabuse. I told him I had looked it up and wanted to see if he thought it could work for me.

What he told me was plain and simple.  It’s a pill, it’s not magic, and it won’t stop you from drinking.  It may kill you if you drink and take it.  You need to just stop drinking.  That was all and he sent me on my way.

So that’s it, you just stop forever.  How does that work?  I’ve tried it so many times and somehow I still end up back at the beginning full of guilt.

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4 thoughts on “Guilt

  1. This is so tough. I know the “just stop drinking” is the worst answer someone can give. It can make it sound like it’s no big deal and should be easy. But I think what they’re really saying is that it is hard. It is so incredibly hard that there is no way to even talk about how you can do it except to say, “You just do.”

    But you can do it.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You’re a good person. But as you said to the doctor, you’re an alcoholic. I know that as an alcoholic that hasn’t stopped drinking, things will always get worse, never better. And the consequences will become even more painful than what you’ve experienced so far. If you can believe that!

    We’re not responsible for our alcoholism. But once we become aware of our problem, we are responsible for doing something about it.

    We are not bad people racked with guilt, shame and remorse, that need to become good. We are just sick people that need to become well.

    Ever tried AA? That’s where I found my solution to alcoholism.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have tried AA before and never really got past 1 month. I think I just need to remind myself every day that i am a good person. Today a read something that said “The past is gone forever.” I need to put the past behind me and move forward. I need to get back in AA and find an AA sponsor. thank you for your kind words.

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      1. Just approach AA with the same curiosity of a child. That will be hard to do. It was for me and many many others. No wants comes to AA on a winning streak. It is the largest club no one wanted to belong to :). Alcoholism is a fatal illness. If in doubt about that, stick around for awhile and you’ll see that doubt erased. And, like any group, there’s good people and not so good people. The good news is that the winners will help you with that. Just observe and listen without judgement. Find a woman you like and ask for her help. She will be glad to help you.

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