An open letter on cheating…love-hurts-broken-heart-graphic

We fight a lot. Yell, scream, and cry often in our house. But we are talking. We are completely honest with each other. Because, he cheated he takes my crap. I have been angry for months and months on end. I don’t trust myself or him right now. He has to gain it back and I need to find a way to follow my intuition again. I saw this coming and couldn’t stop it.

Whenever I want to know where he is, he has to tell me. One time I even had him take a picture to show me where he was. Every question he has answered. It has been painful and also helped me stop obsessing about what, when and why?

Then I tried to just start living again. I have to go on with my life. Even if he doesn’t want me and even if I’m still unsure if I even want him in my life. I have to keep moving forward. I was unhappy so I have started to make changes in my life to make me happy again. My mind hates him but my heart is still in love.  I’m just following my heart.

I pray a lot to make me a better person. I pray for my husband as well. It took a long time but I started to see him trying and changing to. It took a long time for us to realize we were both to blame for a lot of our marriage too.

It’s really hard to hold that trust but we are talking about everything. Anything that would bug us. We don’t blame but, we do say I feel this way when you…

In the arguments I accept blame for problems because it takes two people to screw things up. It’s hard and it sucks!  But it’s something we will have to work at every single day.

I’m sorry for anyone that has to go through this! It’s so hard! No one tells you how hard it is going to be. No one could possibly be able to explain how much pain it causes the whole family. You will have no idea until later. It was completely selfish and we are on the verge of losing everything we have worked towards for the last six years for. Some people try counseling. We did for a bit but it didn’t help.

Think, think long and hard about what you are going through and find the courage to talk about it.  Tell your spouse how you feel, if they aren’t meeting your needs.

I hope anyone going through this finds peace.  It’s a tragic thing for anyone to have to go through and very unnecessary.

Messy Jessy


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