Continuous effort – not strength or intelligence –is the key to unlocking our potential. – Liane Cordes
Perseverance may be my greatest asset. I have tried before to quit. I have had four days, sixteen days and even five months once. But one thing I never felt I had been, was free from my bind with alcohol.
I use to think in my mind that I would have to quit drinking forever. When I use to say it out loud it sounded so sad. Almost like a punishment. An unspeakable task at hand. I mean how can anyone stop drinking forever?
Now when I say it out loud, it feels a bit different. It feels like a release. It’s the kind of feeling you get after you purge your whole house of all the junk you’ve been hording for the last ten years.
I have been hoarding my alcoholism for over ten years. I kept it tucked away back in a closet and tried to keep the door shut so no one would see it. The problem was, I KNEW it’s there. Every day, I knew what I was hiding. I would tell myself, no one can see it, but I was wrong. My mess of a life had already starting to overfill my secret hiding place and find its way out. I spent the last few years struggling to push it back in, hide it away and pretend like life is normal.
I think I use to do that because; secretly I wanted to keep my addiction. I wanted people to think that I was normal, so I could allow myself to drink again. I wanted to hide all the internal struggles I was having so I could have a drink again. I wanted to be able to go to Thanksgiving and have a glass of wine. I wanted to go to dinner parties and drink like everyone else was. Finally, I have grasped that my real problem is; I’m not like everyone else. I’m different. I am an alcoholic.
I have unlocked that dark closet and started to empty it out. I have at last decided to let all my insides out..