Never Ever

Never ever will there be another day like today. It’s only been a few days but I had this thought the other day. “Never ever again, I just can’t.”  I  can’t continue to live my life gambling on alcohol to wait and see where it’s going to take me today.

Where it’s taken me in the past is many places. Some fun some not so fun.

In 2003 I was young, stupid and well quite frankly dumb.  I let my drinking take me straight to jail. Arrested for my first DUI. The punishment wasn’t harsh. It was 1 day in jail and a few classes.  After I finished my classes I, of course rewarded myself with a few drinks.

In the spring of 2005 it took me everywhere.  We were new friends again and I was out exploring the local dance scene, going to tastings at wineries in Napa and partying at all the cool clubs in NYC. I thought I had it all.

In the summer of 2009 it took me to Europe.  Down the Seine river in Germany, visiting castles and sipping glasses. It even took me to France to drink champagne in Versailles.

In the spring of 2010 it lead me right to my second DUI. This time a not so pleasurable experience. The rooms were cold and the days I spent lying on a bed wishing to be with family hurt so much.  My husband came to visit me one time in jail and I was mortified that he was going to see me this way.  How could he? He promised to stay way?

Yet after I left, I let alcohol take control of my life again.  Life not so enjoyable and often dark.

As the sun set today I realized that all that past I have with this tiny little thing called “a drink” can be gone. If I’m strong, if I really work on this, I will never ever have to worry about where my drinking is going to take me.April6th009

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